Remember my first post, where I briefly touched on the addictive characteristics of dairy? I knew factually that dairy is addictive and contains small amounts of opiates. But I truly was not prepared for experiencing it first-hand. "Cheese addiction" sounds really silly, and lots of people who eat dairy joke about it. I had an idealistic mindset that immediately after starting a fully vegan diet I would feel cleansed and refreshed.
I feel terrible right now.
I have had issues with anxiety and depression in the past. They're real, and they can be intense! The last time I cut dairy out of my diet was when my son (now one year old) started violently projectile vomiting after I would breastfeed him. He was only a couple of weeks old. I breastfed my older son and knew that this was just not normal. I did some research and discovered the most common reason babies vomit after nursing is due to the mother ingesting dairy products- sometimes, apparently, the proteins are too complex for their little tummies to break down. Lars told me I was being reactionary and jumping to conclusions, but I talked to the baby's pediatrician and she said it was safe to cut out dairy and see if it made a difference. Within three days, Baby Mills stopped vomiting. When he was three months old I slowly reintroduced dairy back into my diet and he was tolerant of my breastmilk.
What I wasn't consciously aware of at the time, was what happened to ME a couple of days after ditching dairy. I had been feeling great after birthing Mills naturally, and managing the wave of hormonal adjustment with surprising ease (I credit this to natural birth, having the experience of birthing two older kids, knowing what to expect and having an amazing partner who was supportive and helpful- and still is). When I cut out dairy was around the same time I locked myself in Lars' office and called my doctor. I couldn't stop crying, I was exhausted and I kept getting headaches and stomach pain. She told me this was common for mothers who were recently post-partum. We agreed to monitor how I was feeling (to stay on top of post-partum depression if that was what was happening). Within a couple of days, all the weird symptoms went away.
Never in a million years did I think that these symptoms may have been dairy withdrawal. New mommies are tired and emotionally sensitive, and pregnancy/birth makes your body ache in all kinds of ways, from headaches to cramps to muscle soreness.
The difference today is that my child is a year old and I feel exactly as I did when I called my doctor. I couldn't figure out why even though I've been getting a full night's sleep, I couldn't seem to drag myself out of bed. And today, I kept fighting back the urge to cry. I sent a text message to a friend and said "I hope it's not the vegan diet- I really want to be successful at this!"
Suddenly it hit me and I did some Googling- what I was feeling was the same set of symptoms listed over and over in other blogs and articles. It was dairy withdrawal, and even non-vegans and non-vegetarians who had abstained from dairy for various reasons reported the same things. It sounds funny but I immediately felt better just knowing what it was. Feeling that bad and not knowing why was a scary experience.
Per Jennifer's suggestion I am picking up a detox tea to hasten the process of starting to feel normal again. Right now I am absolutely disgusted with dairy! I am angry that we are told it's so good for us and is essential to consume every day. I always knew that it was not good for me but never realized the dependency I had on it. I don't drink, smoke or use any drugs anymore- I was a smoker for 10 years though, and the withdrawal symptoms I'm feeling right now are much worse than after I smoked my last cigarette.
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